Day 1 or D Day.

"Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
I'm barely making sense for now
I'm faking it 'til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as I
And not as we"

- Alanis Morissette, Not As We

     Further introduction is not necessary, we'll figure it out as we go along. So lately I've been on the idea of ritual to better the self. Yes, I am one of the "self-betterment" freaks who constantly is looking for new and revolutionary ways to improve, fix, and save myself. (If you don't improve yourself, then who will?) So my latest adventure has been a 21day Guided Meditation Challenge, hosted by the Deepak Chopra Center. Tonight will be mediation number 20, I haven't missed a meditation yet and I'm terrified of what will come after tomorrow. After Day 21.
   
     This will be the first of my many "self-betterment" gigs that I've actually stuck to. It takes 21 days to create a ritual, and after tomorrow my ritual will be fully established. I meditate at night, right before I go to bed, while lying on my right side, with a pillow between my knees, and the volume on my computer set to level 4. It sounds a little nuts, but hey. It works for me.
  
     Which brings me to day one. I am terrified of day one. What happens when this pre-organized program is over. Will I fall back into my usual trap of flitting from trend to trend? Will all of the work I've put in over the last 20 days be lost in a flash? I don't want this to happen. Day 1 is supposed to be exciting, not a D day.

     While in the mist of being terrified over the ever-nearing Day 1, I've been having some issues lately with Karmic fairness and the overall balance of the Universe. Something is not right. So I'm choosing to share the entry I wrote earlier from my private, handwritten journal, in hopes of possibly sending out a final blurb of dissatisfaction with Karma, and therefore receiving some change in the energy I've been receiving lately. 

DISCLAIMER: rants obviously don't include the use of logic, proper spelling and grammar, interesting ideas, or any common sense at that matter. You have been warned.

Okay. Viral ranting, do your thing.


     ** Look, everyone screws up. And I'm TIRED of paying for my mistakes. I've more than payed my dues and I've worked so hard to become debt free in the Karma realm. This is not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair at all. I've been nicer, harder working, more respectful, more responsible, more considerate, and much more of an overall better person than I've been in a long time.

     You do something bad and the world fucks you over for it. That's how it works, I understand this. But things seem to be a little out of order recently, or even downright backwards. I try to make myself a better person and the Universe says eat shit. So what's the use in trying. I'm not sure. Hey Universe, care to throw me a fricking bone?**

So back to Day 1:

-Today's Day 1: starting a blog. Easy. Painless.
-Tuesday's Day 1: scary... but hoping for the best.
-Karmic Forgiveness Day 1: Can happen any freaking day now :)