It is safe to say that 85% of my college anecdotes are inspired by the effects of alcohol. Specifically, rum. (What can I say, I shoulda been a pirate.) Whether it was the Bacardi Grand Melon of the early years, or the Bacardi 151 Puerto Rican Rum that we worked up to... It was always the rum.
Bold. No matter the effects of the rum on that particular night, a heightened sense of boldness was always an outcome of the "happyjuice". And what does a heightened sense of boldness lead to you might ask... well the answer is simple. Situations.
(These situations are in not in any sort of order... no need for a defined time line of the numerous situations.)
"5 People, 1 Night"
Sunday morning as I completed my walk of shame into the cafe for the ritual fried, hangover lunch, I spotted The-Future-7-11-Owner. Immediately after making eye contact I knew he didn't remember a damn thing that had happened the night before. Instantly I knew I should fill him in over lunch so he would understand the disturbing awkward group dynamics that would follow in the next few days.
Our group of friends consisted of Branded, The-Future-7-11-Owner, GodFuck, Jerseyyyy, and MotorMouth. It was a typical saturday night for the group. The boys made plans and bought Jerseyyyy and I a handle of Bacardi Grand Melon while we sat on our pretty little asses and got ourselves ready to look great. After figuring out we were going to the FriendlyAsians house, we started to make moves. Cracked the bottle and off we went.
About an hour later the boys were proudly phtographing the first of their beer-a-mids of the night while Jerseyyyy and I laughed at their "immaturity". (Yeah two college boys finished 10 beers. Grow a pair and finish the fucking case.... then your documenting worthy. Pussies.) Then BAM. The epic night of make outs began.
So Jerseyyyy and Branded had this thing. It was still kinda new at the time and their was still the issue of his absolute bitch ass girlfriend. Oh college... But Branded and I were best friends.... turns out niether of us were really getting ours at the time and randomly decided to make out. Immediately following the spit swapping was a detailed, heart to heart about how we should make out more often because...
1. It was fun.
2. More importantly... neither of us felt anything for each other. (that was the official moment of confirmation dealing with the lack of attraction towards each other.)
3. It helps to blow off steam.
4. It pisses other people off.
5. We both hated our significant others.... so fuck them right?!?!
So while Branded and I confirmed our lack of sexual attraction towards each other, Jerseyyyy was observing and feeling a little left out. The next thing I know she's in on the conversation and Branded is daring us to make out like it's some completely unheard of and outrageous dare of the century. So naturally, me and Jerseyyyy proved him wrong. Southern, country fuck.... didn't even know what hit him. A few drunken rants, heart to hearts, and outfit judgements later.... round 2 happened.
So The-Future-7-11-Owner had never actually kissed a girl before. Right... in college and never kissed a girl!!!! Poor boy. So Jerseyyyy and I being the friendly, helpful drunk bitches we were, decided to go help him out with his problem. Next thing The-Future-7-11-Owner knows.... he has not 1, but 2 dancer bitches up on him making him forget the days that "kissing" was a "foreign" idea. (hahaha...it's funny cause he's not American... hahahaha....) Photo evidence included... it's safe to say we turned a boy into... well a little more experienced boy that night. We were such good friends to him.
So MotorMouth and I had a little thing. It was awkward. I hated my boyfriend, he was nice to me. Typical college emotional fling.... oh college. Basically, he was flirting around with some fat soccer chick and pretty much had to show this bitch who REALLY owned this poor boys soul. So... I walked right up to him, kissed him straight on the lips in front of everyone, he screamed at me and made a scene. Mission accomplished. Girl had been trying to get it all night, I walked right up and did it, ruined his night, she had to calm him down from a drunken rage... BOOM. Fat soccer chick = zero. Me = eternal glory. She still thinks I'm a huge cunt. Whatever.
The final phase of the night includes the sexiest of Australian men. Basically, I told Branded that I needed to kiss Aussie just so I could say I'd made out with a legit foreign boy. Branded being the best friend that he is passed this info on to his teammate and within five minutes I was having a 100% pure Australian make out sesh. I still consider this one an accomplishment. Win- win situation for everyone.
Back to Sunday afternoon lunch with The-Future-7-11-Owner... his jaw was now on the table. After a little agreement to not bring up the events ever again, and a thank you for documenting the loss of his make out virginity, the lunch of shame was over. Freshman... we were those people. Me and Jerseyyyy were "those girls" and the dudes were "those douchebags". And ya know what... frankly, we didn't give a fuck.
Was life awkward for the next three days, yes. But then again, we were freshmen... when wasn't life awkward? Come Thursday afternoon life was normal for a day until Friday night when the Rum came out once again...
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