Sometimes

Sometimes I look up to the sky and wonder what caused our love to die.
I question the clouds and the shapes that they make,
and think of the times we went to the lake.
Like the day we napped in the house up above,
and the way you held me let me know it was love.
Or the time that we left to escape our old town,
so we could get away and fix our frowns.

Sometimes I gaze at the mountain range far away,
and wonder what life would have been like today.
If we had fought through those last couple weeks,
or even what it would be like if we could still speak.

Sometimes I get sad when I walk through the trees
and remember the times we played in the sea.
The walk on the beach before we went away,
and spilled out our heart and put them on display.
That was the night when you opened your heart and let it all out,
and at that moment I knew we'd make it, without a single doubt.
I trusted you then more then I might ever trust again,
I haven't felt so safe, or protected since then.

Sometimes when I'm alone in my bed wide awake,
I think back to the cliffs where we went on fall break.
When I trusted my gut on whether to leave you or not,
and you had not an idea that letting go was a thought.
I listened to my heart and kept you near,
Not knowing you'd decide differently within that year.

Once in awhile, when I'm feeling really down
I even miss your arrogance which forced me to drown.
Sometimes though, when I'm at my worst
I think of you and am convinced that I'm cursed.
You ruined my soul, and broke me of everything  I had
forced to me to rise again and for that I am glad.

But for ruining my chance at love again, you I blame
because I can't trust myself and for me it's a shame.
I have so much to offer,  and to give away
But I keep it to myself because I don't know how to say
"I'm sorry he damaged me with his demeaning words and games
My self image is small, and he's to blame."
No boy wants to hear, how you affect his life
two years later and it's causing me strife.

Cause I want to let him in, and give him my all
but your lasting imprint causes my efforts to fall
So sometimes I think it would have been better
if I hadn't written you that very first letter.
We never would have been a "We"
and my heart would be free, and clear to see.